Fun FreeSpace Fanfic

[Axem]

Oh noes. Axem is trying to write. This was more of a spur on the moment thing. Since I'm terrible at writing realistically, I wrote something funny. Or atleast somewhat funny. I'm good at that. I think...

===

There was once a great pilot in the universe. One so great, that there was not a single mission that he failed, not a ship that he could not destroy, not a convoy that he could not protect. That man was Alpha One and this is his story...

Actually, no. Alpha One's story is still under copyright until 593A85 AS (After Shiva). So instead we bring the next best thing.

The Adventures of Alpha 27 And A Half!

Chapter 1- Patrol Run

Space was dark. The blackness of space was so grabbing, that it was possible to grasp the pure infinity of past. Alpha 27 And A Half pondered the great void. He thought of home, eating kettle chips and watching reruns of the hit Holoshow 'Headless'. It was only until he thought of space that he realized something. He wanted to be up there, in space. Fighting the Shivans and NTF. Soon he would get his wish.

Alpha 27 And A Half woke up when he was pushed forward by a sudden stop. He looked ahead and saw a large cargo container that he had run into. He began to manuver around the container. His comm then came on with the very loud Beta 92 on the other end of the line.

"Alpha 27 And A Half!", she yelled across the comm, "Are you sleeping off on the job again? We have things to do! Like... like protecting this classified cargo! Honestly. We can't win the war with people like you around."

As she continued yammering on, a jump node opened up right behind her. A giantic Orion destroyer emerged from the bright blue and white vortex. Beta 92 was too busy yelling to notice that the destroyer was about to run into the very small and insignificant Hercules II fighter she was in.

"What's that? Did we hit something?", the comm officer of the Orion asked to anyone listening as the Orion came to a halt, "Oh well, guess not. This is the EnnnTeee er...GTD... Terran. Yes, the GTD Terran! We are here to pick up the classified cargo!"

"It's in that cargo container", Theta 80 spoke up, referring to the container Alpha 27 And A Half had hit a few moments ago, "TR-TRI class to be exact. Currently only GTFr Tritons can carry them. I don't see any thing like that." Theta 80 had a repuation of being somewhat, to put it nicely, incredulously anal.

"Right, okay. Just a second.", the comm officer left his station for second to consult with the captain. The officer got back and sat back in his chair and continued the conversation, "Okay, we are going to tie the Container to the ship. We think we have enough rope. We just got a bunch of it."

"A HA! LIES! I know who you are, don't try to deny it!", Theta 80 blasted. "SOC! Any spies would only think a Triton would come, but you ultra super smart SOC agents outwit them again!" Thetha 80 also had a big imagination too.

"A-ha, That's quite right. I bet you'd make a good agent one day! Now, uh. We're gonna tie the container to our hull, so um. Stay away."

"Yes sir!", Theta 80 said with the most powerful respect. It's not too late to mention he also had the reputation of being quite gullible. He might agree with that except he doesn't know what it means. After all, it's not in the dictionary, now is it?

As the tiny support ships flew around the container and the Terran, tying them together. As Alpha 27 And A Half flew his patrol, he came to the starboard side of the destroyer. He looked left, and the nameplate caught his eye. NTD Vengeance. What could this mean? He thought, and thought, and thought. Then it dawned on him. He was about to open up his comm channel when another jump vortex opened up.

Out came another large ship, it was most unlike any other ship in the Terran fleet. Mostly because it wasn't Terran, it was Vasudan. A GVD Hatshepshut destroyer. The comm cracked open to the odd Vasudan language. With a half second delay it was translated into what the Terrans could understand.

"Attention Vengeance, power down your engines and prepare to be boarded!", the Vasudan ordered, "There is no escape this time. Surrender!" Alpha 27 And A Half knew what was happening. It was so obvious.

There's a ship.
The NTD Vengeance.
There's another ship.
The GVD... let's call it the Hoover, since they didn't say who they were.
The Hoover and the Vengeance have been meeting to plan to overthrow the GTVA.
The SOC figures this out and captures the Vengeance.
The SOC plans to impersonate the NTF crew in order to arrest the Vasudan captain.
But the Vasudan captain figures this out somehow.
He attacks and the SOC must recover the secret weapon the NTF was going to take!
Alpha 27 And A Half would not let the renegade Vasudan get his way.
He would uphold the values of the GTVA!

"All fighter squadrons, attack!" The order came from the Hoover. Five wings flew past Alpha 27 And A Half. Their flanks were exposed to him. And then he jumped into action...

He hit his head on the cockpit window. He made a mental note not to jump in his small fighter again. He opened up a private channel to Theta 80 and told him of this dire plan. Theta 80 saluted him for his grand deductive skills and awaited his orders. Alpha 27 And A Half told the rest of his squad, the 10110th Flaming Ice Cubes, to attack the rogue ships on his command. Alpha 27 And A Half turned his throttle up to 100% and took off for the Vasudan fighters headed for the Orion destroyer.

===

Continue?
'Y'es / 'N'o

[Goober5000]

Out came another large ship, it was most unlike any other ship in the Terran fleet. Mostly because it wasn't Terran, it was Vasudan.:lol:Continue?
'Y'es / 'N'oY

[Cobra]

Y! hilarious!

[Axem]

===

Chapter 2- Tactics

Alpha 27 And A Half switched to the secondary bank with the Hornet Swarm missiles. He gave the order to his squad, and launched his missiles. The 8 missiles streaked from the missile tubes toward the 3 Horus fighters in front of him. The missiles kept coming out, as if Alpha 27 And A Half wanted to completely obliterate the renegade Vasudans. But actually the button was stuck, and within 5 seconds, Alpha 27 And A Half had no Hornets left.

Forgetting that Hornets are NOT heatseeking, the missiles completely missed the fighters. Alpha 27 And A Half needed to rearm, he had used his Rockeyes and Tempests in a dare with the recently deceased Sigma 55. Alpha 27 And A Half brought up his comm menu. A holo-clip popped up and began asking if he wanted to check for updates. Alpha 27 And A Half clicked no. It then asked him if he wanted to upgrade his shields to v3.15.6b. He clicked no again. He kept clicking 'no' until the holoclip was done and Alpha 27 And A Half accidently clicked the 'Erase All Contacts' button on the comm menu.

Luckily, Alpha 27 And A Half memorized the holo-number for the support ship. It was 474F.4F42.4552.5000... or was or 5001? He dialed it, and someone picked up the holo-phone.

"This is Alpha 27 And A Half," he began, "I need help here! Fast! Now! I'm gonna be in big trouble if you aren't here soon."

"Yeah, no trouble there dude", the voice on the other end of the line replied, "So what do you need?"

"Just the usual."

"Yeah, okay. No problem. This thing happens all the time. Were do we deliver to?"

"366 Orion Space Avenue."

"Gotcha little buddy, we'll be there in no time." The comm channel closed and the battle was still going on. The Hoover has positioned itself almost right infront of the Terran-Vengeance, blocking its way out. The Terran-Vengeance was trapped.

On board the Terran-Vengeance, the captain was rushing to the bridge. When he got to his destination, he wanted a status update.

"We're still trapped," came the reply from the helm.

"Damn!" the captain exclaimed, "I really thought opening all the starboard windows would've steered us away from it." The ship shook from the impact of another beam hit from the Hoover. An idea dawned on the captain. "Hey wait, have we tried firing OUR beam cannons?"

"Genius sir!" the tactical officer said with all amazement, "Oh no. That giant container is right in the forward beam cannons path."

"Whose idea was that again?"

"Yours sir."

"Lieutenant, I want you to slap me next time I make a plan involving tying things with rope."

"Aye sir." The captain sat down at his captain's chair and drank from his captain's cup as he looked at his captain's screen which was displaying the latest results from the captain's tournament on Captaina V.

"How are our fighters doing?" the captain inquired.

"Well, uh, really odd," the tactical officer reported, "Two GTVA fighters look like they've just defected to our side."

"Must be my incredible charisma."

"Of course sir." came the reply from one of his officers, who were all trying to avoid eye contact with him.

Back in the battle, Alpha 27 And A Half had just finished off another fighter. It may have already exploded a few times, but Alpha 27 And A Half was taking no chances. The Hoover let loose another beam strike, hitting the Terran-Vengeance above its fighterbay. Alpha 27 And A Half flew toward the Terran-Vengeance to protect it against the attacking ships.

Back on the bridge, the captain was still thinking of an idea to escape from this mess.

"What if we rammed them?" he asked his bridge crew.

"Then the classified cargo would be destroyed" his science officer noted.

"What if we self-destructed?"

"We'd all die." the tactical officer responded.

"Excuse me," the helm officer began, "But, can't we just fly over them?"

"GENIUS!" the captain shouted, "You'll make lieutenant one day!"

"But, I'm already a lieutenant." Her statement was ignored by the captain who appeared to be more interested at his captain's screen at the moment. "Uh sir?"

"Huh?" the captain came back to reality, "Oh yeah. Go over it! Prepare for jump drive! Recall the fighters!"

Alpha 27 And A Half did a barrel roll to shake off his persuer, he didn't see who exactly it was, he was too busy diong barrel rolls. He slowed down and saw a Herc II spin out of control right over his head. A Herc II, Theta 80 was flying a Herc II! The evil Vasudan captain had opened up the comm, most likely to gloat about killing the prized fighter pilot. Instead came the announcement that the Orion was preparing to jump out. Alpha 27 And A Half needed to escape from these evil Vasudans. He raced to the Terran-Vengeance's fighterbay.

On the Hoover's bridge, the Vasudan captain surveyed the changing scene. The XO came up to him.

"Sir, the Vengeance is recalling their fighters. And one of ours appears to be doing the same."

"What a brave pilot.", said the captain, "Sneaking into a NTF ship during the confusion and chaos. Godspeed pilot."

"I don't think he can hear you, sir"

"GODSPEED PILOT!" the captain yelled, "Think he could hear that one?"

"Yes sir", the XO said, he turned to a monitor that was flashing, "Sir, another ship exiting subspace!"

Alpha 27 And A Half saw the ship emerge. It was Elysium class, one of the most common transports in the GTVA.

"Uh yeah hey there," the pilot began, "I got, like, a delivery for a... Alpha 27 And A Half..." It was the support ship! Alpha 27 And A Half opened up his comm.

"That's me," Alpha 27 And A Half shouted into his microphone, "follow me if you want to save the GTVA!" Alpha 27 And A Half flew past the transport, then guided it into the Terran-Vengeance's fighter bay. As the transport landed, the Terran-Vengeance lept into subspace and came out a few seconds later, completing its intra-system jump.

Alpha 27 And A Half opened up his cockpit and looked around. He saw quite a few people with guns pointed at him. The lead officer stepped forward and gave the order.

"FIRE!"

===

[Primus]

:lol: That's damn funny. Hilarious! :lol:

More! :biggrin1:

[Cobra]

oh god, i can't stand it! :lol:

[Axem]

I hope to update this daily, assuming my luck with computers holds out for a bit.

===
Chapter 3- Join the NTF!

The legion of guards pulled their triggers and fired their weapons.

"AUGH!" Alpha 27 And A Half yelled. He fell out of his fighter and hit the floor head first. "Pilot down! I die... in peace..." A moment passed, Alpha 27 And A Half opened his eyes and looked at where the weapons had hit. "Hey wait, this stuff is water." The lead officer spoke up.

"Um, sorry we sprayed you but," the lead officer paused for a second trying to make something of this, "Your uh, fighter was on fire..."

"You need that many people to extingush a fire?"

"They don't call us the 35th Neo Terran Firefighter Brigade for nothing!" the fire chief looked at Alpha 27 And A Half carefully. "Are you okay? You came down head first. On hard metal."

"That happens all the time.", Alpha 27 And A Half paused, "I think. I can't really remember." As Alpha 27 And A Half wondered about his cranial history, a tech came by and looked at the side of the wet fighter. The fighter logo caught his eye.

"Hey! The Flaming Ice Cubes is a GTVA Squad!" the tech yelled, suddenly all eyes were on Alpha 27 And A Half. Guns too. Real guns.

"I don't work for THAT GTVA." Alpha 27 And A Half laughed, "I work for the good guys, not those corrupt Vasudans that were chasing us." The fire fighter chief smiled.

"Oh, so you've decided to join us then." said the chief with a highbrows high enough to make a hull breach.

"I can join you guys?" Alpha 27 And A Half's eyes lit up, "This is such an honour." All of a sudden the door to the Elysium transport opened up and out came a tall man with a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and a big hat.

"Who's ready to party?!" the man shouted, "I got lots of Beer, Pizzas, and tons of other stuff! Who wants to help me unload it?" All of a sudden everyone in the hangar rushed to the Elysium eager to help out. "Now, uh, who's Alpha 27 And A Half?" Everyone pointed toward the pilot. The man walked up to the pilot.. "Here's the bill dude. 1,000 pizzas, 45 kegs of Bosch Beer, 500 orders of Buffalo Wings, yadda yadda, comes to 529,025.57 credits."

"You're a support ship?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"You could say that. But, you like, called for a massive party right?" The man pointed toward the side of the Elyisum. A giant logo was displayed with the words "FredBob's Massive Party Catering Company". The holo-number painted on the side was one digit off from the standard GTVA Support Ship hotline.

"You're FredBob?"

"Yup. Now, cash or charge?" he held out his hand wanting some form of currency. Then all of a sudden the fire fighter chief called out to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Hey, new pilot! The captain wants to speak to you!"

"Duty calls!" Alpha 27 And A Half ran off leaving FredBob still with his hand out.

Alpha 27 And A Half ran through the corridors to the bridge. He didn't have a map, so he got lost for awhile. As he was trying to find his way there, the bridge was busy with the aftermath of the battle settling in. And the captain was still there watching his captain's screen seeing final results of the tournament. That was fine for the rest of the crew, since he usually hindered more than helped. The tactical officer walked up to the captain.

"Hey there Bill," the captain said with a grin, "Guess who just won 40 space credits?"

"Um, my name isn't Bill." the tactical officer not named Bill answered.

"That's right. Me. I wonder what I'll do with it..." the captain trailed off.

"Alright sir. I have the report of Operation: Dovedozer." the tactical officer handed out the holo-pad for the captain to read.

"You read it, I'm too excitied over my winnings."

"Um, ok." he began to read from the holo-pad, "The ship is barely holding together, hull integrity is at 4%, nearly all weapons destroyed, we're out of toothpaste and cabbage, and the crew is thinking of mutiny. But I do have good news."

"You saved us a lot of money on our Ship Insurance?"

"No, we recovered the classified cargo. It's a holo-video."

"To the briefing room!" the captain said with a dramatic flair. "That is where the big screen holo-TV is, right?"

"Yes sir."

Meanwhile, Alpha 27 And A Half was still trying to find the bridge. So far he had visited the kitchen, the target practice room, the weapons locker, the only bathroom on the ship, the medical bay, the kitchen again. Then he saw a sign. "Bridge, 1700m". It was pointing up, so by logical deduction, the bridge was 1700 metres directly up! Alpha 27 And A Half found the nearest turbolift and went up.

Back in the briefing room, the bridge crew was getting set to watch the holo-video. Much to the captain's dismay, the microwave was broken, so he could not eat his popcorn. The security officer was about to put in the holo-video-disc.

"Now before I put it in," the security officer began to ask, "Does anyone have any questions? Like why does the janitor need to be here?" The captain raised his hand. The security officer sighed. "Yes, captain?"

"Will any of this be on a test?" the captain asked. Everyone rolled their eyes. "I mean, the last captain I had showed me a video, and I wasn't paying attention, and I think I got a D on that. So..."

"Yes, captain, this will be worth 100% of your captain's mark."

"Right, I shall listen with the ears of an eagle!" The security officer put the video in. Up came the GTVA logo and a voice began talking.

"The following is classified level Rho. Unauthorised access is punishable under the GTVA security act, Deneb convention, section 21.3.5."

"Whoa, whoa hold it." the captain shouted. The security officer paused the holo-video. "Do I have authorised access? I don't think I'm level Rho..."

"We don't listen to the GTVA security act, we're NTF. Remember?" his first officer noted.

"But if they find out, we'll be sent to the Vega Penal Colony! I don't want to be busted for watching a movie!" Without another word, the security officer unpaused the video and turned up the volume real loud.

Meanwhile Alpha 27 And A Half finally reached the bridge. The bridge wasn't 1700m up, but 1700m forward. He noted to have a word with the map makers. But as he scanned the bridge, he noticed it was empty. So Alpha 27 And A Half decided to give himself a little tour of the place. Through the window he saw the planet Sirius II, a large green and blue planet with many cities. The Terran-Vengeance was currently in orbit around the planet in a low orbit in an attempt to hide the ship from any pursuers.

Alpha 27 And A Half saw that the helm was very different from his fighter. There wasn't any flight stick or throttle control. He tried accessing the help menu, hoping that holo-clip would come up again. As he was fooling around with the console, a door opened up to his left and around 10 people came out. Alpha 27 And A Half quickly got out of his seat, afraid he would get in trouble.

"Hey who are you?" one of the people coming out of the room asked.

"I'm Alpha 27 And A Half", he said, still afraid, "the captain said he wanted to see me."

"Oh yeah, that's me." the captain stated, "Good to meet you. Always good to have a new pilot. My name is..." He paused and took a big breath. "Captain Viscount Corneilius D'Avery the Fifth... Esquire!"

"Cool!", Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "I wish I had a name that cool." The helm officer looked at the captain with her mouth open.

"THAT'S your name?" she gave him a very odd look, "You said it was Allan. Allan Frale."

"That was yesterday," the captain said matter of factly, "but now, I am Captain Viscount..." he was interrupted by the blaring alarms.

The warning alarms.

The warning alarms with big red flashing lights.

The warning alarms with big red flashing lights that mean you're screwed in 5 minutes.

The captain took a blind guess that there might possibly be trouble. Then he thought about how much popcorn he could buy with 40 space credits.

===

[Cobra]

Ah, the holo-video is the construction of the Collosuss? nice.

on to the compliments: :lol: hahahahahhaha! more, more!

[Nuclear]

This is awesome work dude! :lol: :yes:

Keep it up! :nod:

[Goober5000]

munityMutinyflareFlair"THAT'S your name?" she gave him a very odd look, "You said it was Allan. Allan Frale."

"That was yesterday," the captain said matter of factly:lol:

[Axem]

Thank you Grammar Inqusition. :p

But I suppose that's what I get for writing this in Notepad.

[Cobra]

...interrupted by the blaring alarms.

The warning alarms.

The warning alarms with big red flashing lights.

The warning alarms with big red flashing lights that mean you're screwed in 5 minutes.

The captain took a blind guess that there might possibly be trouble. Then he thought about how much popcorn he could buy with 40 space credits.

A little slow, isn't he? >)

[Axem]

No one insults Captain Viscount Cornelius D'Avery the Fifth... Esquire, and gets away with it! Okay maybe they do, since his mind goes back to popcorn pretty quickly.

===

Chapter 4- Emergency Landing

Panic broke out as the flashing warning lights came on. Everyone got to their battle stations, ready to sort out the problem. All stations reported in. There were no enemy ships coming out, the reactor was fine, no rampaging fires. Then the helm officer found the problem.

"Some idiot steered us right toward the planet!" she reported.

"Now why would you do that helm?" Captain Viscount asked, "Don't you know how expensive these things are?"

"I didn't do it!" she said defensively, "I was in the briefing room with you idiots the whole time."

"Fine whatever. Just take us out of here!" the captain ordered.

"I can't, we're stuck in the gravity well of the planet. We can't get out."

"Very well." the captain looked up at the ceiling, "Man the escape pods!"

"We don't have any." his first officer said, "You said they were against your religon, remember?"

"That's right, I'm an aBETACist. I still have seen no proof that the treaty exists." he said with his arms crossed.

"Wait, what about that transport in the hangar? There should be enough room for us." the security officer suggested.

"There's only one thing we can do." Captain Viscount turned to Alpha 27 And A Half, "Alpha 27 And A Half, take this to my boss." He gave him a HoloDisc, "These contain the plans to a battlestation the size of a small moon. If the Empire is to complete it, we are doomed!"

"I thought they were for their new ship, the Colossus." his first officer said looking at him oddly.

"I lost interest halfway through and started to make up my own story. Now go Alpha 27 And A Half! For freedom!" Alpha 27 And A Half took the plans and took off for the hangar leaving the rest of the bridge crew to go down with the ship. That is until the first officer had a cunning plan.

"Captain look! The Iceni! Bosch has come to rescue us!" he exclaimed. Captain Viscount and the helm turned to the view screen.

"Hurray! We're saved!" the captain raised his arms in delight. The helm officer quickly suspected something and looked back at where the rest of the crew was. Was being the key word. They had all taken off.

"I think we've been duped sir." she said. Of course the Captain couldn't hear her as he was quickly rushing out of the bridge to save his own butt. She heard the words "I believe in you BETAC!" coming from the hallway. She took this as her own cue to leave as well.

Alpha 27 And A Half finally reached the hangar. He saw the pilots taking off in their own craft, saving themselves from a firey entry. He was about to get to his own fighter when someone stepped infront of him. It was FredBob the deliveryman.

"Okay, you are gonna like..." he said in a cool tone, "Pay me now? Like, your ship is going down."

"I have something even better for you!" Alpha 27 And A Half said with much excitement in this voice, "We're going to deliver these plans to Command and save the galaxy! Wanna come with me?" FredBob thought about it for a moment.

"I dunno dude." he said reluctantly, "Sounds real dangerous." As FredBob continued to think, the bridge crew arrived at the hangar and quickly commandeered FredBob's transport. The transport quickly lifted off and jetted out of the hangar. FredBob looked at Alpha 27 And A Half. "Yeah sure, why not."

"Great, we'll need to find another ship, since mine also has room for one." Alpha 27 And A Half began looking around for another fighter. One had finally caught his eye. A Medusa Bomber, it had room for a pilot and a gunner, enough for both Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob. They both quickly got into the fighter and Alpha 27 And A Half activated the engines of the craft. FredBob leaned over to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Have you ever flew one of these before?" he asked.

"No, but it can't be that hard." Alpha 27 And A Half said, "I mean all these cockpits look exactly the same." With that Alpha 27 And A Half pushed the throttle forward and flew off. Into another fighter trying to escape. The pilot in the fighter cursed at him and pointed up. Alpha 27 And A Half didn't know what that meant, so he just looked up. The other pilot sped off through the exit. Alpha 27 And A Half turned and did the same. As he left the sinking ship, Captain Viscount and the helm officer entered the hangar.

"You idiot!" she pushed him, "That wasn't a shortcut at all!" The captain turned to the helm officer.

"There's something I want to tell you... um..." he stopped.

"Sara"

"Right, I just want you to know..." Captain Viscount paused for a second to let it sink in, "That you are... my new first officer!" A look of terror washed over her face.

"No way! I'm not going to make you keep me here to die." she began to run to Alpha 27 And A Half's abandoned fighter. The captain chased after her.

"But wait, I need a first officer to deploy the giant chute!" Sara stopped in her tracks and looked at him.

"The what?" she asked as if she was afraid to know.

"You know, when a guy falls out of an atmospheric fighter, he has a parachute. Well I made sure that this ship had a giant one! Just in case we ever fell into a planet!"

"Why didn't you mention that before?" she then thought about the actual plan, "No wait, that is the stupidest idea ever."

"Enough chit-chat! To the chute deployment room!" By time they arrived, the Orion had entered the atmosphere of the planet and was beginning to burn up. The captain got out two keys and gave one to his new first officer.

"Why did you tear out the self-destruct system for this?" Sara asked.

"Wasn't using it at the time." Captain Viscount replied. They both inserted their keys and turned them. Then the captain pressed a giant red button that had the words 'GiaNt sHoOT' taped over the self destruct button. The captain pressed the misspelt button and outside, the giant parachute came out and miracously slowed the Orion down. It slowly drifted down over the great ocean of Sirius II. Sara looked out of the window.

"How... the... hell." she was speechless, amazed that it had somehow worked. Soon she came back to her pessimist attitude. "So now we're going to drown to death."

"Never fear!" he got out a book and pointed to it, "According to Captaining a GTVA Ship for Dummies, each Capital Ship made by the GTVA has the same density of Water! And with all the crew gone, the ship will be light enough to float!" Sara just stared at him.

"You are either the most smartest person in the galaxy, or the most stupidest." She continued to look out the window, this time to the sky, wondering about the fate of the rest of the crew.

In the deep reaches of space, far away from where the Terran-Vengeance had come down. The Medusa Bomber Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob had taken came out of subspace. They had arrived at the Sirius-Deneb Jump Node. But a Deimos Corvette was blocking their way to the node.

"This is the NTCv Gravedigger." its captain began, "This node is off limits to everyone. Go back now or die." Alpha 27 And A Half opened his comm.

"Never! I will complete this mission for the GTVA or die!" he announced, saying exactly what the captain had wanted. The corvette's anti fighter beam cannons glowed to life. Alpha 27 And A Half would have to use all his training and skills to get out of this pickle. Actually it was more of a jam.

===

[Cobra]

*snorts with laughter*

[Axem]

===

Chapter 5- Targetted

The anti-fighter beams fired from the Gravedigger, narrowly missing the Medusa. Alpha 27 And A Half began to dodge the shots. As the Medusa got closer, he saw the muzzleflashes from the flak being fired. Alpha 27 And A Half looked at his data display, trying to see what giantic bombs he had with him. All that were there were Cyclopes, the no-name version of the Cyclops. Alpha 27 And A Half increased his distance from the Deimos. When he got around 2000 metres from the Deimos, he turned around and was about to start his bombing run.

As soon as he got in range, he fired his Cyclopes at the corvette. As soon as they impacted, the Gravedigger began to go into chain reaction mode. A lucky shot! With a bright flash, the corvette exploded. With the corvette gone, Alpha 27 And A Half headed for the node. Once he got within its boundry, Alpha 27 And A Half engaged his subspace drive and entered the node that would take him to Deneb.

Meanwhile, in some completely remote and unknown system, a shadowy figure was sitting in his office. He was studying some unknown material, that only a select few would ever know about. Another shadowy figure entered the room.

"Lights still out?" asked the second shadowy figure.

"Indeed, the eternal night ever gracefully passes over this office, like the future that will condescend over the GTVA." the first shadowy figure replied ever so serenely.

"We got a problem," the second figure pulled out a datapad, "The Vengenace went down. And we don't know where the 'item' is. The only lead we have is this Alpha 27 And A Half."

"Pursue him with great heed and inquire to him on the whereabouts of the mysterious item that I so greatly desire." the first figure looked up at the second, "And ensure that maintanance will retrofit the lighting socket in this office, so that my eyes may have a blissful journey to the great beyond." The second figure stepped out of the shadowy office to carry out the orders of his very mysterious figure.

Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob had just come out of subspace, they had already done their quick intra-system jump from the node to the planet Deneb III. A few kilometers from where they came out, there was an Arcadia Installation. They were on the dark side of the planet, so all they could see were the lights of the installation and the ships around it. Alpha 27 And A Half heard the comm channel open, most likely from the Arcadia to find out what they were doing here.

"Welcome to Deneb III." the sort of monotone voice said, "What brings you to this exciting place today?"

"To save the GTVA!" Alpha 27 And A Half said with all urgency, "I need to rearm and refuel this ship, ASAP! The fate of the galaxy depends on it!"

"Of course it does, please proceed to the hangar, you will be in stall 3F8. Please have some form of money ready."

"Hey FredBob," Alpha 27 And A Half turned to the delivery man sitting behind him, "Could you pay for this? I'm a little... broke."

"No problemo dude," he gave him a thumbs up, "I just made this huge delivery to this Orion and... Oh wait." FredBob stopped for a moment, "Don't worry dude, I'll think of something."

Alpha 27 And A Half landed the Medusa in the Arcadia's hangar, and eventually found his spot. As he parked the fighter, a few men approached the fighter. They were all in mechanic uniforms, most likely to refuel and rearm the craft. Alpha 27 And A Half jumped out of the fighter, onto his head again. FredBob waited until the mechanics brought a ladder to the side.

"Right, so, like. What's this gonna cost me?" he asked one of the mechanics.

"125 credit parking charge," the mechanic looked at the Medusa, "and it looks like it'll be around 500 for your Bomber there."

"Right, what do you take?" he pulled out a few pieces of holo-paper.

"The usual stuff, Holo-Visa, Holo-Master Card, Holo-GTVAian Express..."

"How about this coupon for 1,000 pizzas, 45 kegs of Bosch Beer, 500 orders of Buffalo Wings and a bunch of other stuff?" he pulled out the coupon.

"Hmm..." the mechanic thought about it, "Well, sure why not." FredBob gave the mechanic the coupon. FredBob and Alpha 27 And A Half both began to walk toward the exit. The mechanic then took a hard look at the coupon to see when it would expire, then he realised what it really was.

"Heeeeey, this is a bill!" By time he looked back at where FredBob and Alpha 27 And A Half's last were, they were already out of the hangar.

After wandering about the station for a bit, Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob got to the food court.

"So what do you want to eat at?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked, looking at all the bright signs.

"How about Headburger King?" FredBob suggested, "They have some far-out sauces. Like this one time... actually I don't remember that." He scratched his head.

"Sounds great!" Alpha 27 And A Half replied, they walked over to the Headburger King. There a light brown Vasudan, in a company uniform with a holo-name tag that read Kr'en, was taking orders. Or would've been, if anyone was there. Headburger King wasn't doing so greatly lately due to the Mad Head Crisis. Kr'en looked at the two coming up to him. He began to speak in his Vasudan tongue and a translated version came out right away.

"Oh boy, more arrogant Terrans to serve." the Kr'en said, "What would you idiots like today? A 14 year war? How about a renegade intelligence service?"

"Not today my brown friend," said Alpha 27 And A Half, "We'll just have two #1's."

"Would you like extra Spite with that?" he asked turning to fetch their orders.

"Is that the new soft drink that just came out?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked, but Kr'en just ignored him. Alpha 27 And A Half then noticed a funny sign.

"Heh, look FredBob," he pointed to the sign, "Do Not Disturb the Vasudan." Kr'en got their orders and looked at them sternly.

"Do you really want to tempt fate?" he said to them, he then put their orders on the counter infront of them. "Now pay up, 14.35" FredBob reached into his pocket and gave Kr'en another coupon.

"Good for a keg of Bosch Beer!" FredBob pointed out, "Can't get a better deal than that."

"Thank you so much." Kr'en said sarcastically. You couldn't really tell it from the translator's mono-tone voice though. He took the coupon anyway, hoping to redeem it for the one thousandth credit equivalent to spite FredBob.

As Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob went to go find a seat. Then a man came over to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Excuse me sir." he said with the most enthusiastic tone ever, "Are you Alpha 27 And A Half?"

"Why yes!" Alpha 27 And A Half said in an equally enthusiastic tone, "Yes I am!"

"You've just won a prize!"

"Really? What?!" Alpha 27 And A Half was very overjoyed.

"Death!" the man reached in his jacket and brought out a gun and pointed it at Alpha 27 And A Half. Three other men behind him also did the same thing.

"Can I trade that in for something else?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"No." the four men then began to shoot at Alpha 27 And A Half. Him and FredBob dropped their Headburgers and ran back to the Headburger King. Kr'en was looking the other way, when an errant shot nearly hit him in the head. He looked behind him and saw the commotion. He reached under counter and got out his triple barrel energy shotgun.

"What part of..." he pulled the trigger. The henchmen ducked behind a few tables while Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob dove behind the counter.

"Do Not Distrub the Vasudan..." Kr'en pulled the trigger again.

"Do you not understand?" Kr'en pulled the trigger for a third time, but it did not seem to scare off the henchmen. A few more shots came behind the counters. Kr'en ducked behind the counter too, and looked to his side at a box with a glass cover. On the glass it read 'In Case of Annoying Terrans, Break Glass'. Kr'en did just that, and grabbed the large gattling gun that was in the box. Kr'en then came back up and branished his new weapon.

"Have it your way." Kr'en pulled the trigger and out came several hundred rounds of small lead bullets. That finally began to scare off the henchmen, three had alread bolted. One of the remaining henchmen turned to the overly enthusiastic one.

"I told you, ask questions, then shoot!" he growled at him.

"My way is funner." the other one said, still with his very enthusiastic tone. Finally they both ran away to the exit.

Alpha 27 And A Half got up from behind the counter and looked at the damage Kr'en had done.

"You saved my life!" he hugged the Vasudan. Kr'en then pushed him off.

"Get off me." he pointed the gattling run at Alpha 27 And A Half, "Now give me a good reason why you shouldn't die now."

"Because I'm on a mission to save the GTVA!" he said, seeming to ignore the huge gun in his face, "Wanna join us?"

"No." Kr'en lowered his weapon and motioned them to get out, "Just go away and never come back here."

"Thank you mister crazy Vasudan!" Alpha 27 And A Half began to run back to the hangar. FredBob quickly took back the Bosch Beer coupon and ran off with Alpha 27 And A Half.

"It was expired anyway!" he called out as he exited the food court.

Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob had finally gotten to the hangar and found their Medusa. There seven mechanics were waiting for them. Oddly enough, four of them weren't wearing mechanic uniforms. Why they even looked like those men who had tried to kill him earlier. One of the henchmen came up to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Okay, we're gonna try this a different way." He hit Alpha 27 And A Half in the head with his gun. Alpha 27 And A Half fell to the floor. Two other henchmen went after FredBob. He tried to bribe them away with coupons, but it didn't work. FredBob also got nailed in the head by something quite hard.

And then everything went dark.

===

[Cobra]

lol, bribing a security officer with an expired coupon. priceless. :lol:

go, fishie lover, go!

[Duelron1001]

Quality work there Axem, keep it up or you'll be facing the Vasudan next! :p

or Raa and his Typhon full of crazy Vasudans what ever is easyer.


/me returns to repainting his new rental superdestoryer, the SSD Backscratcher

[Axem]

Sorry for the break in daily updates, angry Vasudans attacking. (Thanks Duelron1001... :p)

===
Chapter 6- Escape

Alpha 27 And A Half began to awake from his latest blackout. There were alarms blaring and people were talking. Alpha 27 And A Half found himself in the captains chair of a Deimos Corvette.

No, an Orion Destroyer.

Or better yet, some colossal flagship that hasn't been built yet!

And Alpha 27 And A Half was the captain.

Ahead on the viewscreen was a huge black and red ship. One of the bridge officers, lets call him Al, turned to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Captain!" Al said, turning toward Alpha 27 And A Half. Alpha 27 And A Half knew exactly what to do.

"FIRE ALL BEAM CANNONS!" Alpha 27 And A Half ordered.

"Uh captain," Al said ignoring the order, "You're not wearing any pants." Alpha 27 And A Half looked down realising Al was right.

"Nooooooooo!" Alpha 27 And A Half screamed at the top of his lungs. He then found himself in a dark prison cell. It was only a dream.

"Will you shut up?!" a voice yelled at him from behind. Alpha 27 And A Half looked behind him and saw his old friend Kr'en the Vasudan, as happy as always. Next to Kr'en was FredBob, happy to see that his friend was alright.

"Kr'en!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "I just had the weirdest dream. I didn't have any pants and..."

"No, stop." Kr'en interupted, "I'll kill you if you continue."

"What are you doing here Kr'en?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked, "Last time I saw you, you were shooting up the food court with various weapons."

"Yes, well I should have killed you when I had the chance. Those shady Terrans though I was with you! Ha!" Kr'en laughed in an odd Vasudan way.

"What are we doing here?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"To like, ask you stuff." FredBob replied, "They asked me a few things, like who are you working for, where is the purple monkey, if you could be a space monster, which one would it be. You know."

"What did you exactly tell them?" Kr'en asked.

"I work for Senor Gonzalo Miguel Cortez, the monkey is with him, and I would be a giant purple space monkey if I had the choice."

"Wonderful." Alphs 27 And A Half looked outside the cell to the guard keeping watch, who was currently reading a holomagazine. He got up and walked up to the force field keeping them in place.

"Excuse me sir." Alpha 27 And A Half said authoratively, "You have imprisoned the person charged with saving the GTVA! Let me go or the GTVA will destroy you!" The guard ignored him and kept on reading. Then the overly entusiastic person came into the prison block. The guard snapped to attention.

"Commander Lagor!" he saluted.

"Very good! Now come Alpha 27 And A Half!" Logar motioned for the guard to drop the field, "You have many questions to answer!" Logar led Alpha 27 And A Half to a dark room. He motioned him to sit down. Across the table, there was another man, but he could barely see him. Logar sat down at the other end of the table beside the shady man.

"Alpha 27 And A Half, this is Henry Schlicher, he's going to be the bad cop this round. While I will be the good cop!"

"Alright 'Alpha 27 And A Half'" Schlicher growled, "What is your real name?"

"Alpha 27 And A Half." Alpha 27 And A Half replied.

"No, your name, your given name, what your parents named you."

Alpha 27 And A Half looked at him blankly.

"What's your first name?"

"Alpha"

"Your last?"

"Half"

"If you say you've got three middle names that are 27 And A, I'm going to kill you."

"Well I don't. My middle names are Twenty Seven And A, four middle names." He held up four fingers, showing how many he had.

Schlicher turned to Logar.

"Permission to shoot the prisoner sir."

"No, we do not have the information we need!"

"What kind of information?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"On the Vengeance you obtained something... and we want it back!"

"Oh, you meant the item that will save the GTVA?!"

"YES! You have it?"

"Of course, it's in my pocket." He pointed to where it was in his flight suit.

"At last! It is finally ours! Now it is time to die, Alpha 27 And A Half." Logar and Schlicher both pulled guns out of their jackets and pointed at Alpha 27 And A Half.

Then Kr'en dropped in. On top of the two men about to kill Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Kr'en!" Alpha 27 And A Half jumped for joy.

"Agh..." Kr'en got up and looked at the gaping hole in the ceiling, up there FredBob was looking through it as well, "Feable Terran construction." He looked at Alpha 27 And A Half, "Come on!" He grabbed him and ran out the door past the absent guards. FredBob jumped down from the ceiling and followed them.

"So where are we?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked, trying to keep up.

"We're in an installation, although I am not sure which one..."

Shots began to ring out behind them, the guards were in hot pursuit. They began to blindly run down corridors, looking for a hangar in which to hijack a ship from. Soon they came to a command console.

"Hey, look at this!" said Alpha 27 And A Half, "I bet I can bring up a map of this place."

Alpha 27 And A Half tried his best to find a map, but he couldn't seem to find it.

"Let's see here..." he read through the different lists of commands, "Turn on lights, Activate Weapons, Fire Drill, Deactivate Cloaking Device... er whoops."

"Whoops? What does that mean in Vasduan?" Kr'en asked while firing a few shots down the hall, "That's good, right?"

"NOTHING!" he cried out, "Ha! I found it, we uh, go down that hall, then turn left..."

Meanwhile on the bridge of the installation, a shady figure was watching a GTVA fighter group fly around near his installation. But luckily for him, he had a cloaking device!

"Uh Admiral?" a bridge officer came up to the figure, "The cloaking device just deactivated."

Or not.

"So be it." The figure looked up at nothing, "It has been decreed by the Gods today that we will enbark on our adventure to our destiny. Prepare to launch."

Meanwhile, Alpha 27 And A Half and his friends were trying to find the hangar, which was NOT down the all and to the left. Rather, to the right. The hangar was already busy with fighter wings getting ready to launch. As they looked for a ship to escape with a voice came over the comm.

"Attention all crew, the GTVA is here, we shall depart for the Deneb-Vega Jump Node. Fight off the GTVA until we are ready!"

At last they found a suitable ship, a Hygeia support ship. Despite Kr'en's objections, they got in anyway and got out of the hangar.

Outside, they found themselves in an asteroid belt. GTVA fighters had begun assaulting the installation they were coming out of, but thankfully, they were ignored by the GTVA. The bombers hit the installation hard, and soon it was coming apart. The three watched as the installation was destroyed.

"And that is that." Alpha 27 And A Half said, putting his hands together.

"There's like, another ship in there dude!" FredBob pointed at the new ship that was left in the wreckage of the asteroid installation. "Maybe if they kill that one, an even smaller ship will come out!"

But it was too late for the GTVA to destroy this new ship, it had jumped into subspace, leaving everyone else behind. After the ship had left, the GTVA fighters received their return to base order and left too.

"Why aren't we leaving?" Kr'en asked.

"This nav thing says we need like, a password." FredBob replied, "I tried password, and uh, FredBob, but I can't think of any others."

"Great, now I'm stranded here with you idiots." Kr'en just sat down on the cold floor of the support ship.

A day passed. Actually it was half a day. Fine, an hour. Half hour, tops. A Hatshepsput Destroyer had just come out of subspace, looking for any survivors. The destroyer hailed the Alpha 27 And A Half.

"This is the GVD Psamtik, you are under arrest for anti-government activity. Stay where you are." the Vasudan on the other end said.

"Not me!" Kr'en cried out, "It's their fault I'm here!"

"Not me either!" Alpha 27 And A Half cried out also, "I need to save the GTVA!"

"Like, not me either, uh." FredBob tried to come up with a response, "Darn, all the good reasons got taken."

"Great, more escaped mental patients."

"I, Alpha 27 And A Half, am certified Not Insane!" Alpha 27 And A Half said triumphantly, "I have the medal."

"Wait, Alpha 27 And A Half?!" the Vasudan got the captain, "Look captain, its the pilot that got into that Orion! We'll get you aboard here in no time!"

And so they did.
===

No cliffhangar!

[Cobra]

:lol: a no pants dream, how original :biggrin1:

i'll just leave Goob to the grammar corrections. :p

[Gai Daigoji]

:lol: Keep up the good work!

[Axem]

7 Page Ethics Paper, done! Week long binge of Tales of Symphonia, done! (Well, maybe) All classes, done! Doing another chapter of this... done!

(Everything else that I need to do for other people still in various stages of procrastination. :nervous: )

===

Chapter 7 - New Mission

"Wonderful!" the Vasudan captain exclaimed, "You don't know how much we need this, we are all saved thanks to you, Alpha 27 And Whatever." The captain looked over at Alpha 27 And A Half and his two companions. "This shall be sent to Alpha 1, himself!"

"THE Alpha 1?" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "The one who won the Great War, the one who destroyed the Lucifer?"

"No, the other one." the Vasudan captain thought for a moment, "You know, whatshisname, I forget it exactly. Started with a letter."

"Is everyone an idiot here?" Kr'en grumbled.

"Woah dude" said FredBob, "That was totally uncalled for. It's not our fault were using idioms."

"Do you even know what an idiom is?"

"That anti-septic thing that hurts like Shiva."

"Enough!" the Vasudan captain said, "I have a new mission for you three!"

"Three?" Kr'en asked looking around, "I told you, I'm not with them!"

"You must go to the GTD Pocky and seek out the captain." the Vasudan captain ignored Kr'en, "Once you find him, you must give him this briefcase! Which I left..." the captain looked around the room. "Oh darn, well you might want to find that too."

"It wouldn't be that briefcase that you are holding is it?" Kr'en asked.

"No... of course no..." the captain paused, "Hey look over there!" the captain pointed to something out the window and Alpha 27 And A Half and FredBob looked in the direction. "Oh look, found it." He gave the briefcase to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"What's in it?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"No mortal knows." the Vasudan captain said softly, "His stock report, promotion paperwork, the manual to an Orion, or detonation codes to the Meson Bomb!"

"What's a Meson Bomb?"

"Curses, I keep leaking classified info, at least I didn't say anything about the plan to let Bosch escape..." the room went silent for a moment, "Er... GO! FOR THE GTVA!"

Alpha 27 And A Half saluted the Vasudan captain and ran off to who knows where. Kr'en and FredBob left and followed him. The Vasudan captain went to his desk and opened a channel to an unknown shadowy figure. He wasn't as shadowy as the previous shadowy figure was, but he was shadowy none the less.

"The cargo is on the way, I trust you know what to do with it." the Vasudan captain reported

"The PANCAKE is READY to be GLAZED." the slightly less shadowy figure said slowly.

"May the God of Harbringer Missiles have mercy on our souls..."

Meanwhile on Earth.

"Any jump node yet?" asked a scientist.

"Nope." replied another one.

"'Kay, I'm going back to sleep." the first scientist said leaving the room.

"Gotcha." the other scientist went back to reading his adult holo-magazine.

Meanwhile in the Psamtik's hangar, Alpha 27 And A Half, FredBob and Kr'en were getting ready to leave. Alpha 27 And A Half walked up to Kr'en.

"Hey buddy!" he said, but Kr'en just ignored him, "I got you a special present just to show how we're all friends!" Kr'en still ignored him. "Did you ever notice how boring those shades of brown get?" This caught Kr'en's attention.

"No..." he replied.

"Well, it looks like you don't have a taste for style, so that's why I got your ship repainted!" Alpha 27 And A Half motioned to a ship under a large blanket. He pulled the blanket off and there was a repainted Isis. It had neon green paint with purple highlights and a newly installed pink light system that flashed to the beat of the music. It would've looked better, but all the paint was smeared. "Huh..." Alpha 27 And A Half looked at the blanket, "Guess I should've waited for the paint to dry."

"That isn't my ship..." Kr'en commented, "It was left on that station..." Meanwhile, a Vasudan Marine was walking by and looked at the ship.

"Oh no!" he exclaimed, "Noreret! What have they done to you?" the marine began to look for who had painted his ship in such ugly colours. Kr'en had grabbed Alpha 27 And A Half and fled to the other side of the hangar where FredBob was.

"That was a close one..." Kr'en commented. FredBob had a holo-pad in his hand.

"Okay, dudes" he said, "We're supposed to like meet up with this Marine and take the Noreret to wherever."

"Of course." Kr'en sighed. They all walked back to the angry Vasudan marine and his defaced ship. He turned to his passengers.

"YOU!" the marine shouted. Kr'en ducked down afraid he would pull out a gun. "Help me find who did this!" he pointed to his ship.

"Why I di...mmph..." Alpha 27 And A Half began to say but was interrupted by Kr'en putting his hands over Alpha 27 And A Half's mouth.

"Sorry, but this is very important." Kr'en said, "We must be going, now."

"Alright, you dirty scumbags!" the marine still said in a loud voice, "We're going to stop at the planet's surface to wash this bananaing kumquat off my buttery ship! And while we're there, I'll get my translator repaired, lately it's been very xylophonish."

And off they went to the planet's surface. Until they were shot down and the loud Vasudan was killed.

"So THAT'S what the IFF button does!" Alpha 27 And A Half remarked, getting out of the neon green wreckage.

"Yes, very ingenious of you. How are we supposed to complete our mission now?" Kr'en asked.

"Hey, like guys." FredBob pointed to another ship descending from the sky. "We've been like, rescued!"

The ship was a small transport, it was an Amazon Drone adapted for civilian use, although no one knows what that actually entails. The Amazon landed and the front door opened. Out came a man in a bright flashy white suit with large googles.

"I come from the future!" he announced, "You must listen to me carefully. Soon a giant Shivan Destroyer, called the Lucifer, will enter the Ross 128 System and attack Rivera Station. Luckily I have the knowledge of how to destroy it! We must intercept it through subspace. There isn't much time! Take me to your leader!"

"Wow, that's amazing." Alpha 27 And A Half said, "It also coincidently sounds like what happened 32 years ago!"

"Wait what?" the time traveler paused, "Um... what year is this?"

"2367." Kr'en replied.

"Ah crap. Wrong Shivan incursion." he began to walk back to his ship when he turned back to the group, "Well, thanks anyway, I'll be off chaps!" And he got into his ship and blasted off to when ever he was supposed to be.

"Great, let's start walking to the city." Kr'en said.

"Isn't that like, a thousand millimeters away?" FredBob asked, "I don't think I could like, handle it."

"Seeing as we crashed right outside of the city, I'm afraid to say, yes, yes we are that far from it."

"YES!" FredBob started to do his victory dance, "I'm right! WOOO!" And FredBob began to run around in circles looking like the deranged person he is. After he settled down, the three went into the city and into a non-descript bar.

"Okay, here's the plan." Kr'en began to explain, "Find some one to get us to this GTD Pocky is. Do we even know where it is?"

"Pocky, will find us." Alpha 27 And A Half said.

"Great, just look for a pilot of a ship."

"And dude, take my advice. Avoid any ships with an extremely hairy co-pilot." FredBob said to the two. Behind him a large man with an equally large beard got up.

"Do you have a problem with me, little man?" the bearded man questioned.

"I'll, like, handle this." FredBob said and stared at the bearded man. Then FredBob promptly ran off. Kr'en and Alpha 27 And A Half were left behind.

"Perfect, that's has to be a new record." Kr'en said, "What was that? Five seconds?"

"To the roof!" Alpha 27 And A Half proclaimed. Alpha 27 And A Half and Kr'en ran toward the door leading to the roof. It might have been, but the sign that said 'Janitor's Closet' suggested otherwise. They both went into the so-called Janitor's Closet, and it was quite dark.

"Hey guys." FredBob said in the darkness, "Looking for the roof too?"

"Yeah, you find it yet?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"Nope."

"I'm just going to stay here and think of your deaths." Kr'en said. Then a bright flash of light came from one side of the closet, a door had opened.

"Found it!" FredBob said to his fellow companions. The three made their way to the roof and found themselves surrounded, again, by angry people, again. And nothing that anyone could see could have saved them, again.

Until...

A ship descended down from the sky. It was the Time Traveller's Amazon! He had come to rescue them. He came down pretty close to the group. The time traveller came out.

"Hey, any of you guys know where Capella is?" he asked, "For some reason it isn't on my Node Map."

"Take a left at the Spaceroute 66-25 junction," the bearded copilot said, "The node should be by a Colossal Burger."

"Ah, thanks chaps." the time traveller got back into his ship and blasted off again.

Okay, now there was nothing to save them. Except for that Orion Destroyer hovering right behind them.

===

[Primus]

This is just too hilarious. :lol: :yes:

[Gai Daigoji]

Keep 'em coming, Axem buddy. Great stuff! :yes:

[Axem]

===

Chapter 8 - Too Many Names

The sky went dark as the massive Orion blocked out the sun over the city. The large triple barreled turrets turned toward the building Alpha 27 And A Half and his friends were. A voice came over a very large loudspeaker.

"I am Senor Gonzalo Miguel Cortez." the voice boomed out, "Release my friends or I shall send my space monkey after you!"

"I'm not a monkey!" a different voice cried out from the loud speaker.

"FINE!" the Senor said, "I'll fire the huge beam cannon at them! That'll ruin my entire legacy, are you happy now?"

"Look!" Kr'en shouted over the continued squabbling. A few ropes were hanging off of the hangar side of the Orion. "Grab onto those ropes!"

"No way dude" FredBob protested, "I've had enough bad luck with Orions already. Especially ones very close to planets." The bearded copilot and his friends broke from their trance of the Orion and began to shoot at the 3 they were chasing after. "Fine, like, you guys win today!" They broke for the ropes and grabbed on.

"Fire Beam Cannons!" the Senor cried out. Several green lights lit up the city, and the cannons ripped through the city, engulfing it in plasma and flames. The bombardment continued as Alpha 27 And A Half and his friends climbed up the ropes. When they finally got to the top, Alpha 27 And A Half looked at the nameplate. It read "NTD Vengeance".

"How does he do it?" a woman said, coming from the hangar, it was Sara, the helm turned first officer of the Terran-Vengeance. "You idiots must have a psychic link or something."

"Where's Captain Viscount?!" Alpha 27 And A Half asked, "Did the Senor capture him?"

"Ah that." Sara remarked, "No, no, 'Captain Viscount', aka George Washington, aka Pope Awesomeness the XVIII, aka Senor... whatever, is perfectly fine."

"I see." Alpha 27 And A Half was thinking about the situation, "He's changing his names, so he's always undercover!"

"Yeah, sure. Or a deranged lunatic." She motioned toward the hangar. "I'd imagine he'd want to see you."

"This captain," Kr'en began, "He could not be as stupid as the other two, could he?"

"I'm planning a mutiny, wanna join?"

"Yes."

They reached the bridge of the Terran-Vengeance, and Senor Cortez was in his captain's chair giving out orders to his tactical officer, a plant.

"Don't give me any of that guff!" the Senor said to the tactical officer, "I just KNOW you're planning something."

"Uh, Senor? More idiots to see you." Sara announced, "C'mon Vasudan, I'll show you the weapons we're gonna use." The two left the bridge to continue to plan.

"Senor!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "You're alive! But how?"

"You're, like, Senor Gonzalo Miguel Cortez?" FredBob asked, "I though he was, like, Spanish?"

"Uh, plastic surgery." the Senor responded, "Anyway, to answer you're question Alpha 27 And A Half, I took the liberty of recording everything that's happened since you left." He turned to his Operations Officer, a Harpoon Missile. "Commander Hornet, play the recording!" Commander Hornet did nothing. "Fine, you're fired!" A small tick was heard. "Uh-oh. Get down!" Commander Harpoon went berserk and exploded.

"Your crew sure doesn't like you." Alpha 27 And A Half said.

"As long as Commander Monkey is on my side, I'm invincible!" the Senor said, "Right, Commander Monkey?" he called out through the missing deck plating below.

"Burn in hell!" came the reply from several decks down.

"I'm sure there's some hidden meaning in that." he went back to his Captain's chair. "Anyway, what we did was we filled all the empty rooms with hydrogen, which made the ship lighter than air and we can now fly. To decrease the weight ever further, we got rid of alot of unneeded material, like most of the deckplating. Just watch your step."

"Like, whaaaaaa..." FredBob fell down few decks.

"He'll be alright, Doctor Shivan will take care of him."

"Shivan? You have a Shivan with you?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"Oh ya, he's the one who told us to come here. Real odd guy."

"KRRTCH!" a loud noise was heard on the ceiling, it was Doctor Shivan attempting to communicate to the two.

"Some guy fell through a few decks, go help him!" the Senor ordered, and Doctor Shivan jumped in the hole that FredBob had fell down. "So buddy, what are you doing here?"

"I need to this ship, the GTD Pocky." Alpha 27 And A Half explained, "I need to give him this briefcase!"

"I see, it just so happens that I know where the Pocky is!"

"You do?"

"This IS the Pocky!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the old captain defected and renamed it the Vengeance. He said that was the only reason he actually did it."

"And then you took the ship over and began your own renegade justice ways!"

"Yeah, sure. So gimme the briefcase." the Senor took the briefcase and opened it up. Inside, there was a holo-note. The Senor read the Holo-Note.

Dear Captain of the GTD Pocky,

Please be aware that we are still currently awaiting payment of the total of 3 TRILLION SPACE CREDITS in backed loans from GTVA Command. Please also be aware that your subscription to Captaining Weekly has been cancelled.

If you do not repay us, we will send the Colossus after you.

Thank you,
GTVA Command

"The bastards!" the Senor shouted. "They cancelled my suscription!" He looked at Alpha 27 And A Half. "Alpha 27 And A Half, come with me to Galactic Terran Vasudan Publishing to reclaim my subscription," he paused, "And the world!"

"Yes sir!" Alpha 27 And A Half saluted.

"Engineer Mutant Tofu, prepare for spaceflight!" he called out to a moldy peice of... something that might have been tofu at sometime in the past.

"Yessir..." the tofu glubbed. The Orion began to rise up into the sky and into space. Once they reached orbit, there was a massive GTVA Fleet waiting for them.

"Oh yeah, forgot about those guys." the Senor remarked, "Um, plan?" The Orion shook from a few hits from the lead Hecate. The front beam cannons glowed to life, preparing to fire on the Terran-Vengeance.

===

[Ephili]

Great shit man. But dam im weary of reading now.. *Sigh* shorter chapters but more chapters ahh!

[Axem]

Shorter eh...

===

Chapter 8.5 - Leap!

Alpha 27 And A Half lept into action.

===

:p

I'll work on something better for tomorrow.

[Ephili]

LOL! Now, that wasent so bad, was it? :)

Great stuff, as i said. It's just, i read the beginning of the thread to the end, non stop, so my eyes hert :hoppingma brain fried.. :mad:

[Gai Daigoji]

More! The masses demand more!

[Treelor]

Moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore..more.... more...*cough*more........ *suffocates and dies*

[Axem]

Of course my tomorrow I meant... two weeks later. It's easy to get those two confused.

===
Chapter 9 - Traitors and the traitorous traitors who traitor them.

"Don't worry, I have been in this exact position before." the Senor said, "Sitting cross-legged is only painful until the legs go numb. After that, clear sailing..."

"But what about those enemy ships?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"Oh yeah, them." the Senor stopped to think for a second, "Any ideas?"

Alpha 27 And A Half leaned on a console, putting his hands on his head to make him think harder. He then saw a button glowing red that read, "IFF". That's when it dawned on him. He pressed the button and it went green.

Meanwhile on the GTD Magnifereiscent.

"Captain, the NTF destroyer has just changed its IFF to friendly!" the weapons officer reported.

"What?" The captain asked.

"MS Weapons System won't let us target them. This bloody holo-paper clip is also insulting my mother."

"Then change our IFF!" the captain ordered, "Then we'll be able to fire on them, right?"

"Genius sir!" the weapons officer pressed the IFF button and the Magnifereiscent's IFF changed to hostile.

Meanwhile on the GTCv Knight.

"Captain, the Magnifereiscent has just gone hostile!" the Knight's weapons officer reported.

"Free the beams!" the captain yelled, "Destroy the traitor! Relay this to the fleet!"

Meanwhile out in space.

The Magnifereiscent's beam cannons had just begun to fire when the beams from the Knight and the rest of the fleet destroyed the beam cannons. Several other beam shots tore through the hull, hitting the Magnifereiscent's nose section. A well placed slash beam cut the nose section clean off the ship. By this point, the Magnifereiscent went back to its initial IFF of friendly and the Terran-Vengeance had already entered subspace.

"That was awesome, Alpha Whatever!" the Senor exclaimed, "Now we're on our way to the GTV Publishing Agency. You wouldn't happen to know where that is... would you?"

"Um..." Alpha 27 And A Half tried thinking for a second, then decided that took too much effort and went back into his fantasy land.

Up in the decks above, Kr'en and Sara were planning their mutiny.

"I still fail to see we can control this ship with two people." Kr'en said, looking at the latest plan.

"Three." Sara corrected, "Mr. Shivan said he'd join us."

"How do you understand that... thing?" Kr'en asked, "Does he level a city if its a yes, and destroy a planet if its a no?"

"Actually I think he wants to kill us too, but we'll probably be able to find out what to do with him after he kills those two bumbling morons.

"Hey Sara!" a voice called from below in the bridge, "Where's the GTV Publishing Agency?"

"Ah for..." she muttered, "Use NodeQuest why don't you? Or Googleplex Maps! We're TRYING to plan a mutiny here!"

"Sorry!"

With the magic of the holo-net, the Senor found the route to the GTV Publishing Agency. Alpha 27 And A Half looked at the map.

"I don't think I've ever heard of the..." he squinted at the map, "...Unexplored System P3X-872...system."

"It also says we need to go through Sol and the La-ram-nis system. Where the hell is Laraminis?!"

"I think it says Laramis." Alpha 27 And A Half suggested, "It could be a typo."

"Nonsense. Sara!" he called out to the scheming duo a few decks up.

"WHAAAAT?!" came the angred reply.

"Where's Laramnis?"

"That's it! I'm coming down there." Sara and Kr'en came down to the bridge with rather large weapons. "Alright, Captain whatever. I challenge you to a duel, whoever wins gets to keep the ship."

"What does the loser get?" the captain asked.

"A free tour of the airlock."

"Hmm... that does sound interesting.... Can I pick what kind of duel?"

"Sure, why not. Just as long as it isn't anything stupid..."

"SCRABBLE!"

"Forget that, I'll just kill you now!"

===

Next chapter comes whenever.

[FireCrack]

i love how everything is holo...

[Gai Daigoji]

LOL!! Keep it up, Axem. This is great stuff! :nod:

[Axem]

===

Chapter 10 - Scrabbleship

All of a sudden, Doctor Shivan snatched Sara's weapon from her hand.

"Hey!" she cried out, "What was that for?!"

"You, like, already agreed to dueling him." FredBob said. Doctor Shivan made some type of odd noise. "Oh yeah, and Doctor Shivan says Scrabble is NOT stupid. It's a smart person's game!"

"So what? What are you gonna do about it?" Sara asked. Doctor Shivan responded by pointing his large beam cannon at her. "Okay, we'll play Scrabble..."

"Yay!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "Can I play too?!"

"If he plays, Kr'en plays too!" Sara said, dragging Kr'en along.

"How are you understanding the Shivan, FredBob?" Kr'en asked.

"Oh uh, he did something to me, and now we have this psychic link! It's like... awesome."

"KTTRCH KTTCH" Doctor Shivan "said".

"Oh right, not supposed to say anything about that yet." FredBob said and then paused, "Er...he said he'll be the judge to make sure its fair."

And so the game of Scrabble was set up. Alpha 27 And A Half vs Senor Gonzalo Miguel Cortez vs Sara vs Kr'en. Kr'en went first with the word KLOIAM.

"I've never heard of that word before." The Senor said suspicously.

"It's Vasudan..." Kr'en paused for a moment, "For idiot. I have a Vasudan dictionary here." Kr'en pulled out a holo-book. "It's right here." Kr'en pointed that one of the entries.

"But, that's in Vasudan. I can't read that."

"Are you being racist?! Can you not accept the Vasudan language for what it is?! I will accept your inferior Terran garbage in this game, so accept my superior Vasudan word smithing!" Kr'en yelled.

"Yeesh, fine fine." The Senor put down his word, "QZVXC".

"Uh, Senor..." Sara said looking at him sternly.

"What? It's Terran for... uh... devious... yeah."

"Oh my God..." Sara sighed, putting her hands on her face.

"Yeah, that too." the Senor added.

And so this went on for hours. While the ever exciting game of Scrabble was happening, other things were afoot elsewhere. In the deep reaches of a mysterious unexplored system, there was a meeting going on. A meeting... of EVIL! At the head of the meeting table was the hologram of a certain shady figure. Along the left side was Schlicher and Logar. And along the right side was just Special Evil Operative Dennis Welch.

"Thank you all for coming gentlemen," the mysterious figure started off, "At present, our time grows shorter than a Wildebeast running from a Velcioraptor. We must hasten our plans or all will be for naught."

"Wait a second," Schlicher said looking around, "Where's Koth?"

"He has embraced his destiny and has gone beyond this linear plane of exsistance."

"Not to worry." Welch said, "We have a replacement for our departed friend." He motioned toward the door. "Everybody, meet Adam!"

At the door a cardboard cutout of a Terran Officer stood motionless. Welsh got out of his seat and took Adam and put him in the chair beside him.

"Uh right." Schlicher said, "Hi... Adam."

Adam said nothing.

"He's a little shy." Welch said, "Adam is going to be our undercover operative for that Vengeance incident."

"But didn't they already gave the Colossus movie back to command?" Schlicher asked.

"Um, maybe. We aren't really sure."

"Really, 'cause it's all over the holo-net."

"Do you have a holo-torrent for that?" Logar asked his neighbor.

"I'll holo-mail you the link later."

"Enough!" the mysterious figure said loudly, "I must be leaving as the swallow does before the great storm. I leave command of the forces of evil to Schlicher." The hologram faded out and the four men got on with their devious plans.

Meanwhile, back on the Terran-Vengeance.

"Booya!" the Senor yelled, "I win! I win!"

"Blasted Shivan dictionary." Sara mumbled, "Fine. I'll hold off on the mutiny for now."

"Hooray!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "Now everyone's happy! Right Adam?"

"Who's Adam?" Kr'en asked.

"Him." Alpha 27 And A Half pointed behind Kr'en at the cardboard cutout. Kr'en swiftly punched Adam in the head and decapitated him.

"Nooooo! Adam!" Alpha 27 And A Half cried, "Cut down in his prime..."

"Can we like, get going already?" FredBob asked.

"Yes!" the Senor said, "Tomorrow we embark for..." He paused to pull out his holomap, "Unexplored system P3X-872!"

===

[Gai Daigoji]

:yes: As always a great job. Keep it up!

[Cobra]

:lol:

KLOIAM sounds like a Texan dialect of 'clam'. :biggrin1:

nice one though. :yes:

[Hippo]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Axem]

I'm trying to shift focus back to Alpha 27 And A Half, as he hasn't been around much for the past few chapters. Enjoy! I'll try to make weekly updates now.

===

Chapter 11 - Saras and TSMs

"What a wonderful morning!" Alpha 27 And A Half said to the buzzing of the hololights, "Wouldn't you agree Senor?"

"There is no Senor today." the man who was Senor yesterday said, "Today I am... Sara Klaine!"

"What about me...?" the half awake Sara asked.

"The subject is me right now." 'Sara' proclaimed.

"But I heard you talking about..." Sara stopped for a second, "You're not..."

"Hey I just realized we have the same name! We'll have to do something about that."

"Yes." she started to run after him. "We can start by you changing your name back to whatever!"

"Whoa whoa whoa." the other Sara held out his hand, "There's an easy way to solve this. I will be Captain Sara, while you can be... what rank are you again?"

"Commander. You promoted me when we were the only ones on the ship."

"Right, you can be Commander Sara."

"Just 24 hours of this hell..." Sara mumbled to herself.

"Actually, Commander is too long to write on the reports. You can be Cadet."

Cadet Sara tried to tackle Captain Sara when Kr'en entered the room.

"Are you people done yet?" Kr'en asked the bunch, "Breakfast, for lack of a better word, is served."

After breakfast, the merry crew began preparations to unexplored system P3X-872. Alpha 27 And A Half launched with his fighter group. His wingmen, Training Sim Module TSM-103b and Training Sim Module TSM-108s, all in Hercules fighters, were right behind him. Engineer Mutant Tofu was getting the reactor up to full power. Kr'en was manning the weapons station, left vacant by Commander Hornet. Cadet Sara was at the helm, trying to make sense of the holomap Captain Sara gave her. Adam was wondering the ship looking for his missing head. FredBob was being reprogrammed by Doctor Shivan 50 decks below for reasons unknown. And Captain Sara was lying upside down in his chair talking about the time a rat bit his nose.

"Sorry to interrupt you there... uh sir. But we're ready for the jump." Cadet Sara reported.

"Engage subspace drive!" the captain ordered.

"Uh guys?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked over the comm, "Where are we headed again?"

But it was too late. The Terran-Vengeance lept into subspace, leaving Alpha 27 And A Half and his group behind.

"What do we do now?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked his wingmen.

"Don't touch the controls until told so." TSM-103a said.

"Oh okay."

Four hours later, Alpha 27 And A Half was still waiting for something to happen. Then suddenly, a Terran Corvette came out of subspace. Alpha 27 And A Half's targetting computer identified it as the NTCv Evil.

"Oh no!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed. "What do we do now? Can I touch my controls now?"

"Welcome to module TSM-108s, Advanced Suicidal Tactical Training." Wingman TSM-108s told him.

"WHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOWHATDOIDO?!" Alpha 27 And A Half began to panic.

"Begin by heading toward the enemy ship at full speed with no regard to your own life."

"Good good." Alpha 27 And A Half began to fly towards the Evil at full speed. "Now what?"

"Ram the enemy at full speed, thus killing yourself and possibly slightly scratching the enemy's paint job. This concludes Training Sim Module TSM-108s."

Then Alpha 27 And A Half saw a new directive pop up on his screen. 'Return to Base.' Alpha 27 And A Half quickly engaged his subspace drive. The vortex opened just meters infront of the corvette. Alpha 27 And A Half's fighter vanished into the bright vortex leaving behind his comrade, TSM-103b.

On the NTCv Evil, newly crowned Emperor of Evil Schlicher was coming out from behind his chair.

"Is it gone yet?" he asked.

"Yeah." Welch said as he looked at a computer screen, "He entered subspace just before he hit us."

"Er, good good." Schlicher tried to retain some his somewhat menacing aura. "Anything else around here?"

"Just a fighter broadcasting some old training messages."

"WHAT!?" Logar suddenly burst into the room. "Let me hear!" Welch broadcast the message from TSM-103b's fighter.

"Be advised the escort list will not be limited to ships you have been ordered to protect." TSM-103b said.

"Oh, my darling TSM-103b." Everyone suddenly noticed that Logar's voice was quite similar to TSM-103b's.

"Oh my God! You're that voice!" Welch exclaimed, pointing his finger at Logar, "You're the one responsible for all my nightmares!"

"Sir!" one of the bridge officers saluted the Emperor of Evil, "We've found the Vengeance. They're headed for the System of Evil!"

"All hands, prepare to jump into subspace!" Schlicher ordered.

===

[Cobra]

at the beginning: :wtf:

the training thing: :lol:

[Gai Daigoji]

Lol! Axem you have made a great story here. Keep it up, I cant wait for the next part. The insane captain of the Vengence is great!

[Axem]

Back from vacation! So here is another fun chapter of this gripping story.

===

Chapter 12 - PIE DAY!

We interrupt this story for a lesson in Subspace Theory.

It is widely speculated that gravity has a large effect on subspace. After all, if they worked near large masses, why couldn't you just subspace from the surface of a planet to a node?

Remember, most of subspace is just a THEORY, not fact. The above should be critically considered. Please also consider the theory of the Escort Pilot's Union and the mysterious entity known in some cultures as "The Banana".

So, as Alpha 27 And A Half entered subspace, the gravity of the NTCv Evil itself, its anti-gravity deckplating, and the spontaneous quantum appearance of a mini-black hole made the safetys kick in and Alpha 27 And Half's fighter and it came out of subspace right in the corvette. A few seconds later, the blackhole vanished and the Evil went into subspace. The probablity of this happening is rated at 1 to Lucky Bastard.

The above is FACT, because it happened. You can't get around that.

Alpha 27 And A Half was a little dizzy after the very sudden deacceleration. He looked around where he was. He saw many people with dish trays waiting in line, ignoring the large fighter half embedded into the framework. He was in the Mess Hall, and it was lunch time. Alpha 27 And A Half popped the cockpit hatch and climbed out.

"Where am I?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked the crowd waiting in line.

"Oh no." one of them said, "You are so not taking my spot in line!"

"Same here." another said, "Just because it is pie day, doesn't mean you have free reign here Mr. Pilot!"

"The name is Alpha 27 And A Half," Alpha 27 And A Half began, "Protecter of the GT... Did you say pie?!"

The men nodded and Alpha 27 And A Half took a spot in line, way at the back. Way way way at the back, by the brig.

In the brig sat the many prisoners that the crew of the Evil captured. It wasn't so much as many as it was one, and not so much captured as it was surrendering to exploit them later. So the one man who surrendered to exploit them later, called out to Alpha 27 And A Half, who was right infront of him.

"Hi there," the man said to Alpha 27 And A Half, "I bet you're not from here, are you?"

"Wow!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "How did you know?"

"A Deimos doesn't have a figherbay." the man replied, "I would also guess that you are Alpha 27 And A Half."

"You're good."

"Thanks, but uh, I just read your name tag on your flight suit."

"Oh, so that's what it says!"

"Listen, how about you help me break out of here and we exploit these guys?"

"I don't know what that means, but okay!"

"What, exploit?"

"Everything after the word... List-len..."

"Great, go over there and press that button to let me out of here." the man pointed to a glowing red button that read, 'Release Prisoners'.

"Nice try, but I am not giving up my spot for Pie Day!"

"You tell him!" Special Evil Operative Welch said right behind him, "The nerve of that guy, huh?"

"You said it." Alpha 27 And A Half ignored him and moved up in line, past the brig.

Hours later, after all the pie was gone, Alpha 27 And A Half went wandering around the ship. He eventually found his way back to the brig and his conniving friend.

"I knew you'd come back!" he said.

"Wow, I'm..." Alpha 27 And A Half tried to find the right words, "Flabb-diddly-mazed-loony-ed."

"I don't think that's a word, but thanks. Now just press that button."

"I'm good at that!" Alpha 27 And A Half went over and pressed the 'Release Prisoners' button. The man got out of the cell and walked up to Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Thanks a lot." he said, "My name's is Arc Tanner."

"Neat. All these people have fun names!"

"Now let's get out of here. I have a brilliant plan to escape the Evil."

"Let's go!" Welch said behind the two.

"Who are you?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"SOC Double Operative Welch." he replied, "I've been sent here to retrieve you two and bring you back to the GTVA."

"Really?!"

"No."

Then everything went black... again.

===

[Axem]

===

Chapter 13 - Exploitation! It's what's for dessert.

Then it got bright again.

"AH!" Alpha 27 And A Half cried, "My eyes! They burn!"

"Relax." Arc said with a smirk, "That was just me by the light switch. The darkness helped me take care of Mr. Welshie here." Arc pointed down to the unconscious Special Operative Welch.

"Great! Now what?"

"We exploit! Stand outside for a second, will ya?"

Alpha 27 And A Half nodded and went outside for a second. A second later, when he tried to get back in, the door was locked. He tried knocking, but there was no response. Several (more like several hundred) seconds later the door opened again. Out came Arc in Welch's Special Operative Uniform.

"Is that you Arc?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"Damn!" he muttered, "You can still notice me." He turned away for a second, then turned back. On his face was an unusually large fake moustache. "How about this?" he asked.

"Oh my Shivan!" Alpha 27 And A Half said excitedly, "I'm working with a Special Operative!"

"Great, now pretend to be my prisoner, okay?" Arc pointed Welch's gun at Alpha 27 And A Half.

"Sure, no problem!" Alpha 27 And A Half said, "OH HELP!" he yelled, "THIS MAN HAS CAPTURED ME!"

"Uh, hey." Arc said putting his hand over Alpha 27 And A Half's mouth, "Let's pretend you are a Mime, and I've still captured you. Okay?"

Alpha 27 And A Half gave him a thumbs up.

"Great let's go to the bridge."

And so the two went up to the bridge. Schlicher was in the captain's chair giving out orders to the crew of evil. When Alpha 27 And A Half and Arc came in, Schlicher was holding a gun.

"I told you!" he yelled to Logar, "I Want it raw black! None of your puny sugar or creams!"

"Generally that works better before you shoot the crewman." Logar pointed out. "I found that out the hard way."

"Quiet Training Voice." Schlicher said angrily, "Who's this here?" Schlicher looked over to where Alpha 27 And A Half and Arc were.

"It's Alpha 27 And A Half!" one of the crewmen said, "Can I have your autograph?!"

"Me too!" said another.

"Yeah me too!" said a barely dressed Special Operative Welch.

"Welch?" Schlicher asked, "What are you doing in your underwear?"

"Well, the darnest thing happened." Then all of a sudden Arc hit Welch in the back of the head.

"Sorry, sir." Arc said behind his large moustache, "He was being a jackass."

"Good work. You're promoted." Schlicher walked towards Alpha 27 And A Half, "So Alpha 27 And A Half, we meet again. I shall have my revenge on you!"

"If you don't mind me," Arc interrupted, "I'm gonna steal Welshie here and jump ship."

"Yeah, whatever." Schlicher shooed away Arc from his questioning, "Now tell me! Where is the Colossus!"

Alpha 27 And A Half said nothing.

"Logar." Schlicher turned away for a second, "Do we shoot him if he doesn't tell us right away?"

Logar looked through the hit holobook, 'How to be evil in 24 hours'.

"It says to kill his friends instead."

"What if we can't find them?

"Uh... lie?" Logar trailed off for a second, "It uh, says lay, but I think it's lying..."

"Alright, Alpha 27 And A Half, I've killed all your pathetic friends!" Schlicher began to laugh. "Yeah, it was so pathetic how they uh... died."

Alpha 27 And A Half began to pantomime cry.

"Psst, what now?" Schlicher whispered to Logar.

"It says Torture... I think" Logar said skimming over the pages, "Yeesh, you'd think they'd hire a proofreader. They have it spelt Tarture!"

"The book never lies!" Schlicher said loudly, "You dare question the book?!"

"Well, no..."

"Good! Chef Sal! Begin preparations for the largest tart you can make!"

"Aye aye sir!" the Chef responded.

"We'll cook him alive until he tells us where the Colossus is!"

"Bosch said something about luring it to Gamma Draconis." Logar noted.

"Bosch said something about shutting up." Schlicher pointed his gun at Logar.

"I'll be good." Logar put up his hands and started to walk away slowly.

===

One guess on what the Chef's last name is.

[Axem]

Let's finish this, shall we?

Also I've shifted some of the chapter numbers to exlude chapter 9, which was just a single line.

===

Chapter 14 - Escape from Evil

"Now, Alpha 27 And A Half..." Schlicher said quietly, "You wil feel pain!" he then boomed. There was a giant crack of lighting and a shadow of sparks behind him.

"Very dramatic sir!" Tanner said, giving him a thumbs up.

"Why thank you." Schlicher replied, "I must be a natural."

"Actually, we're under attack." Logar reported, "You might want to come up to the bridge now."

"Very well then." Schlicher turned to Alpha 27 And A Half, who was bound on a wall with restraints. "Alpha 27 And A Half, this shall have to wait until later"

"Is Thursday good?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"Hmmm..." Schlicher brought out his holoberry and looked at his schedule. "No, I'm being not as evil that day. Blasted community service. How about Friday?"

"Okay, sounds good!"

"See you then!" Schlicher and Logar left for the bridge.

Meanwhile...

"How are the deflector shields holding up?" the stalwart captain of the Terran-Vengeance asked.

"Deflector... what?!" Newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Sara asked back.

"Arm quantum torpedoes, full spread!" the captain ordered.

"Uh, we don't have...."

"Sir!" Kr'en interrupted, "Several Klingon Birds of Prey have decloaked off the port bow. Our only hope is for you to go to your quarters and reverse the polarity on the isodynamic field matrix!"

"Tally ho!" the captain said and then ran off to his quarters. Sara and Kr'en were left alone on the bridge.

"Why the heck didn't I think of that before?" Sara wondered aloud.

"Because my superior Vasudan brain is better." Kr'en replied. The ship began to shake as the NTCv Evil began to return fire.

Meanwhile...

"Hey! I just thought of something!" a Terran Scientist said, "Why don't we just turn OFF the Knossos?!"

"You're fired. That's why." the head general replied, "Next complaint?"

"Yeah, could we get cupholders in our fighters?" a pilot asked.

"How much will that cost?"

"Half a million credits per fighter."

"Done." The general stamped an approval stamp on the stamping area of the "Stamp This For New Projects" form, copywrited by the Stampy McStampstamp Stamping Company.

Meanwhile...

"Hey there Alpha 27 And A Half." Arc said to him after Schlicher and Logar left.

"Hi!" Alpha 27 And A Half said, "I thought you were taking that Welsh guy with you."

"Yeah, well..." Arc went over to a control panel. "Welshie's really heavy. At least you can walk." The control panel beeped. "Okay, restraints deactivated."

"Great!" Alpha 27 And A Half got out of the restraints and went over to where Arc was. "What do we do now?"

"Well, leaving this ship would be nice. How'd you get here anyway?"

"My fighter got stuck inside it when I was trying to jump out." Arc went through a few screens on the panel, trying to find where Alpha 27 And A Half's fighter had gotten stuck.

"Here it is." Arc pointed to a point on a map, "Not that far from the outside too. We can get into it, then blast our way out!"

"Yay!" Alpha 27 And A Half cheered, and off they went.

Meanwhile...

"So..." Schlicher said, "The Vengeance. Looks like my past has come back to haunt me in ways that I must explain in a sequence of various long flashbacks."

The ship shook a bit harder this time.

"Sir." Logar began to report, "A small fighter just explosively exited the ship."

"So there I was, but a tiny zygote..."

Meanwhile...

Alpha 27 And A Half's fighter rocketed through space toward the Terran-Vengeance. It quickly made its way to the hangar of the Orion destroyer. Once it touched down, Alpha 27 And A Half and Arc got out of the cramped fighter and were relieved to get their personal space back. Arc glanced over to one of the weapon lockers nearby.

"Jackpot!" Arc said to himself as he ran off to the locker.

The captain was looking around the ship for his quarters when he entered the hangar.

"Captain!" Alpha 27 And A Half yelled to him.

"Hey!" the captain replied back in an equally loud voice, "Where've ya been?"

"Oh well, you know. Helping the GTVA and stuff. Did you get your subscription back?"

"Did we ever!" he said proudly, "Oh hey, funny thing happened on the way back though. Doctor Shivan turned FredBob into a brainwashed killer."

"What?!"

Then all of a sudden FredBob jumped from a lower deck through the floor plating and landed in front of Alpha 27 And A Half and the captain.

"Yeah, see?"

===

Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion!

[Depth_Charge]

whoa whoa whoa, i'm alittle confuse bout this story, its bout freespace, and then startrek comes in? either that, i need to read this whole tread...... ;)

[Axem]

Aye, it'd get a tad confusing jumping into the story at the second last chapter. :p Basically, it's a FreeSpace story, with small bits of other stuff in it too. So yeah, start from the beginning and hopefully you'll "get it". ;)

[Cobra]

uh oh.. FredBob's a psychomaniac! RUN FOR YER DAMN LIVES!

oh wait... i'm not in the story... :biggrin1:

[Axem]

You're lucky I finished writing this before I saw that comment. :drevil:

===

Chapter 15 - The Final Chapter!

"Kill! Destroy!" FredBob yelled.

"FredBob!" Alpha 27 And A Half called out to him.

"Kill! Destroy!" FredBob yelled again, but this time FredBob began to run after the captain and Alpha 27 And A Half. The two both began to run away from the brainwashed FredBob. They got past the main doors and tried to close them, but FredBob was too quick and got through. It was time for Plan B, more running away. They made it a bit further this time, but then Alpha 27 And A Half tripped. FredBob ignored the fallen Alpha 27 And A Half and continued right for the captain.

"Wait!" Alpha 27 And A Half cried out, but FredBob didn't stop. As FredBob ran past him, a little peice of holopaper landed by Alpha 27 And A Half's head. Alpha 27 And A Half had a plan. "Hey! Want a coupon for a free keg of Bosch Beer?" FredBob stopped in his tracks, and turned back to Alpha 27 And A Half, not looking as brainwashed anymore. Then all of a sudden a piece of the ceiling gave away and fell on FredBob. And then a very angry looking Shivan fell on top of that, beam cannon and all.

Meanwhile...

"What's the hull integrity at?" Kr'en asked Sara as the ship was hit by another beam cannon.

"Negative 15%." Sara reported, "Which like everything else, doesn't make sense!"

"I've just lost another beam cannon!" Kr'en tried finding a weapon system that wasn't blown out. Finally he gave up on that and tried thinking of another plan. "Alpha 27 And A Half is back on board, right?" Kr'en went to the captain's chair.

"Um yeah..." Sara responded, "Uh, What are you doing?"

"I'm not going to lie to you... I'm going to lie. Open a channel to the NTCv Evil!"

"Another notch in that belt..."

Meanwhile...

"And it was then, when I was 5 years old, that I discovered that I could sell my sister for cookies." Schlicher said as he recited his past.

"Okay, but where does the missing chew toy come in?" one of the bridge officers asked, "You said it amounted to something later."

"That later hasn't come yet!" Schlicher growled.

"Captain!" Logar said, "There is a message coming from the Vengenace. It's the captain."

"What? On screen!"

On the screen Kr'en appear in the captain's chair.

"Hey you're not..." Schlicher started to complain but Kr'en interrupted him.

"We have Alpha 27 And A Half on the ship." said Kr'en, "And we are prepared to self destruct the ship, taking him and his secrets down with us!"

"Ha!" Schlicher laughed, "Bluffing the self destruct is so cliche! Our founding member created that technique!"

"You Terrans are so stupid. Activate the self destruct!" Kr'en ordered Sara, "Time, 10 seconds!" The Vengeance's computer began to count down.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Schlicher said panicking, "Hey, you can't self destruct if I destroy the self-destruct station first!" Schlicher realized, "Weapons, target the self-destruct station, fire all beams!"

The Evil's beam cannons all glowed up at the same time. But it was too late, the self destruct timer had just reached zero.

From the nose of the Terran-Vengeance, out come a giant guiding rocket with steel cable from behind it, and around that, was a giant parachute unfurling. A thick piece of steel cable then stopped the guiding rocket, making the parachute looking like a giant flat circle. The Evil's beams fired square in the centre of the parachute, and the very shiney coating reflected all the beams right back at the Evil, taking out most of the corvette.

"Yay!" Sara cheered, "That was a great plan!"

"What..." Kr'en looked shocked, "Where's the self destruct?"

"I thought your plan was crazy, but then I remembered that the captain had replaced the self destruct with the giant parachute."

"Yes..." Kr'en said, "That was my plan... Damn it!"

Meanwhile...

Doctor Shivan lept right for Alpha 27 And A Half. Alpha 27 And A Half did a backflip, well it was more of a slipping action onto the back. Doctor Shivan landed behind him and skidded on the smooth hallway floor. The captain went inbetween of Alpha 27 And A Half and Doctor Shivan.

"I'll handle this." he said, "After all I am, Robo-Captain 9002!"

"Really?!"

"God, I hope so."

Doctor Shivan and Robo-Captain 9002 began to fight each other in a fight to the death! Sort of. It actually mostly consisted of Robo-Captain slipping on the floor and Doctor Shivan skidding on it.

"I knew I shouldn't have gotten these floors waxed." Robo-Captain 9002 said to himself, noting next time to install carpets, or maybe dirt. A good captain must always think of the cheaper alternative. Quasi-meanwhile, Alpha 27 And A Half went over to where FredBob was.

"Are you okay?" he asked FredBob.

"Oh yeah." he responded, "It's is like... nothing. I've had like, worse before. Maybe." Alpha 27 And A Half helped FredBob get up from the wreckage. "You know, I've just had the oddest dream."

"Was I in it?" Alpha 27 And A Half asked.

"No, it mostly had something to do with this star blowing up." FredBob thought about it for a second, "Nah, can't be that important."

After the 37th leap-slip-skid combo, a voice came out from the doors to the hanger.

"Hey, Doctor LOSER!" the voice taunted. Doctor Shivan looked towards the hangar doors. Adam was there, standing crossarmed as usual, with his head taped on. Doctor Shivan lept for Adam but this time Doctor Shivan's target didn't slip and tackled Adam square in the chest. Adam broke in the a few pieces from the force of the hit. Despite hitting his target head on, Doctor Shivan still skidded on the smooth floor, right into the hangar. Doctor Shivan quickly turned around and saw another new figure in the door he had just skidded through. It was Arc. Arc just pressed a button that began to close the main doors. Doctor Shivan charged back at Arc, and it looked like he would make it through before the doors close. Doctor Shivan lept for his hard hitting tackle. When he went middair, Arc pressed a second button: The hangar forcefield release.

Doctor Shivan was thrown out of the hangar by the rapid depressurization, and into space, headed who knows where. The main doors closed slightly afterward to spare the rest of the group the same fate.

"Wow!" Alpha 27 And A Half exclaimed, "That's really amazing!"

"Heh", Arc chuckled, "That's what they call me."

"No, that's what they call me!" some unseen crew member until now said.

"Lieutenant Really Amazing!" Robo-Captain 9002 joyfully said, "It's been awhile! Where've ya been?"

"Well, I've been hiding... really amazingly." Lieutenant Amazing said.

"Let's all go up to the bridge and celebrate!" Robo-Captain 9002 announced. Everyone cheered and made their way to the bridge to celebrate their victory.

==

Epilogue - How to extend the story past the final chapter.

"The bridge of the NTCv Evil was without power, all of the lights had gone out. No one could see anything, or tell what dangers were lurking. Then, without warning, Special Agent Welch shot Emperor of Evil Schlicher in the chest multiple times, thereby giving the power of Evil to Special Emperor of Evil Welch! No man could now beat him!"

"What the hell are you doing, Welsh?"

"Oh uh, Schlicher... Didn't see you there. Heh, uh. Just narrating my book. Hey, where's Logar?"

"He said he needed to inspect the escape pods to ensure they're fit enough for me."

"Oh... well, I'm quite sure things can't get worse."

"What was that loud creaking noise?"

"Mice?"

"OH MY GOD! This ship has mice?!"

"And then all of sudden, glowing red eyes illuminated the bridge. The poor powerless Schlicher could do nothing..."

"SHUT UP AND HAND ME A PLASMA RIFLE!"


And that's THE END!

===

And so ends this Adventure of Alpha 27 And A Half. Tune in next week for "The Aken Bosch Story", starring Sean Connery as Aken Bosch and Samuel L. Jackson as Terran Command.

[Nuclear]

"SHUT UP AND HAND ME A PLASMA RIFLE!"

:lol: :lol:

Brilliant end! :lol:

[Depth_Charge]

very nice ending.... :biggrin1:

[Axem]

On another note, is anyone here brave enough to edit this thing? I eventually want to put this up on my webpage, so I'd like it to be neat and tidy. :biggrin1:

[Cobra]

sure, i will! :)

[Taristin]

How would one make it 'tidy'? You want someone to format the xHTML for you? :p

[Cobra]

i think he means to give it grammar checking and maybe the xHTML. :p

[Axem]

Yeah, I meant spell/grammar/sense checking. I can do the webpaging myself, in a text editor! Oh yeah, I'm hard core. ;)

Anyhow, txt with all 15 chapters attached for anyone to do that (the more the merrier). I've corrected a few things here and there already. Let me know if there's any larger problems like continuity problems or you have no idea what I meant. :nervous:

[Taristin]

Does Open Office not have a built in spelling and grammar checker? Because it'd be simple to run it through that.

[Axem]

My OpenOffice only has a spell check, but I'll go check out Open Office 2.0 beta and see what if offers.

EDIT: Nope, no grammar checker.

[Cobra]

i've got time, i'll do it. :)

[Axem]

Aaaaany progress? Yes, no?

[Cobra]

eh, sorry, a lot of stuff has been happening. i've already done the spell check. :)

after i get my homework done i can do the grammar check. :)

[Axem]

Okey dokey.

*Goes back to FREDding, making new website, StarFox stuff, taking over the world*

[Goober5000]

Don't forget my cbanim! ;)

[Cobra]

what cbanim?